Muffins and Mayhem
by stained-theory
Summary: One-shot. Have no fear, Amy Rose is here.. with muffins? I wonder what the rosy rascal has up her sleeve this time around that have Sonic and Shadow so worried about. Because, I mean, they're only just muffins, right...


Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog, and Co.

**Muffins and Mayhem**

The blue blur that was once running across the grassy lawn of the park, was now crouching behind the shoulder of an unwilling ebony hedgehog. Shadow's cold glare was the only indication that he had acknowledged his rival's presence, but other than that, he remained consumed by the book he was reading entitled: _How to Deal with Impossible People. _

Sonic seemed unaffected by the other's feedback, and placed a firm hand on his bicep, unknowingly infuriating Shadow even more. "Listen, Shads," he paused to raise himself slightly as if to get a better look of his surroundings, "Amy's goin' around with these muffins, and she's tryna get everybody to eat 'em, but I'm not tryna eat 'em! Who knows what she put in them, y'know? So, whatever you do, don't –"

The sound of a tray plopping onto the wooden table made both male hedgehogs jump. Crimson orbs eyed the bane of Sonic's current problem, which also happened to be the bane of his own. Amy returned the look with indifference equipped with the raising of both eye ridges. Sonic, giving into his defeat, slid onto the bench next to Shadow, and chuckled nervously.

"What is this all about?" Shadow questioned in his smooth tone, as the pink hedgehog stared at him with determined, emerald green eyes.

Muffins had never looked so menacing.

To Shadow's knowledge, the delectable little treats weren't supposed to look menacing. They were supposed to be rich, friendly, and most of all, delicious.

Oh, but not these.

No, no, not_ these._

These were Amy Rose's muffins.

No innuendo intended.

Sonic gulped as he looked at the tray of supposedly unoffending items. They looked harmless enough, despite the fact that he could smell a strange, burnt odor, wafting through his nostrils like a sick, threatening precursor to the things that were to come in regards to the strange, demonic foodstuffs. He peered over at Shadow, and saw that the self-proclaimed Ultimate Lifeform also appeared to be wary about them, even if his stoic demeanor gave almost no hint of it.

The Ultimate Lifeform and the Hero of Mobius, known for fighting against countless schemes of world domination, had no clue why they were so scared now, but each of them knew they had a reason to be.

These muffins were indeed, one of the most terrifying things they had ever been subjected to, and they hadn't even tasted them yet.

The sun was bright, beaming down on the three of them. Shadow had been seated at a random picnic table in Station Square Park, when Amy, shortly coming behind an exasperated Sonic, had come sauntering up in all her girlish glory, slamming down a basket full of questionable looking muffins. She looked at them enthusiastically, as if expecting them to be so overcome with joy at receiving them that they'd just chow down without hesitation.

"Huh." Amy huffed, "I thought you would appreciate me making some muffins and handing over them to you." She switched her gaze over to the blue hedgehog, "Especially when I had you in mind the entire time while baking them, Sonikku."

Sonic shifted uncomfortably in his seat before responding. "Now, Amy, the last time you baked something, let's just say it was," if he didn't word this carefully, the bottom of a mallet would soon come in contact with his body, "different." Yeah, her horrible creation of a chocolate cake that could've easily been mistaken as a mud pie was "different."

Shadow scoffed. "Not to mention the fact that you would only cook for me if the main ingredients were cyanide and sugar."

Amy crossed her arms, and stomped the heel of her boot into the grass. "Not true!"

"Ah, what little girls are made of." Sonic cooed sarcastically, ignoring Amy's disapproval.

"Little Rose girls." Shadow added.

Amy pouted, but an amused expression graced her face, finding the boys' banter somewhat entertaining.

"So…you're bringing us these muffins, why?" Sonic's voice was cautious, but he wanted to know the reason behind the freakish baked goods before she crammed them down his throat.

Amy uncrossed her arms, and looked at him with a sickeningly sweet smile, "Well, I have to test them out on someone before I hand them out tomorrow at Cream's recital."

Blinking, Shadow processed her words for a moment before replying, "So we're basically your lab rats?"

"I prefer something more along the lines of 'helping hands,' - less degrading - but you've got the gist of it." Amy's smile only grew in width as she watched both males eye the basket of muffins as if it contained all of the evils in the universe, condensed into one sweet treat.

Amy leaned forward onto the table before presenting her sinister proposal. "So try them before I tell everyone that you two have kissed and are now dating."

Both Sonic and Shadow spluttered at the outright lie.

"What?"

"Never in this lifetime will I - "

Amy held up her gloved hands to silence them. "Okay, that was a stretch." She admitted to herself, but then aggravation entered her eyes, "Just eat the muffins!"

Sonic wasn't sure which was scarier now - dying from eating the muffins, or Amy's reaction if he just dumped them all on the ground.

Decisions, decisions.

Shadow heaved out a heavy sigh, and reached out and grasped one of the food items in his hand. Shakily, Sonic followed suit and found the muffin to be surprisingly soft instead of the rock-hard brick he was expecting.

Amy was now looking at them with expectant, eager green eyes - an expression that would be fit on a child at Christmas morning. Shadow didn't think he'd ever seen Amy so happy in a situation where she wasn't in the pursuit of a certain blue hedgehog.

So, despite his better judgment, he took a bite, and, surprisingly, the muffin didn't kill him after he swallowed.

Now, after Sonic's first bite, the world-renowned hero had devoured the remainder of the muffin, and even grabbed another. Pleased that there was no love potion present, he bit off a section, chewed, swallowed, and then repeated the process.

The childlike look on Amy's face had been replaced by one of slight frustration at both hedgehogs' lack of words, or sounds of consent. "So?"

While nodding his head, Shadow searched his mind for a word, but settled on the simplest one, "Good." He took another bite of the treat.

Sonic stuffed the muffin into his muzzle whole, and wolfed it down as if he were a vacuum. He breathed out happily, and gave the girl his trademark grin along with a thumbs-up, "I second that, Ames!"

Kindness reached Amy's eyes while she took the basket of muffins in hand, "And that adds a notch for cooking on Amy Rose's belt."

"Not if that chocolate cake was involved." Shadow retorted, causing Sonic to stifle a laugh.

Amy looked down at them with a faint satisfaction in her eyes, but said nothing. She felt no need for a snarky comeback or remark because she had just accomplished her goal of making a treat that both defenders of Mobius would enjoy, despite their apparent differences in personality. It was strange, but this seemed to be one of those times that Sonic, Shadow, and Amy "had a moment," outside of a mission.

"Okay, then." She continued, ignoring the comment, "For your participation, I'll honor you both with one of my lovely muffins." Shadow didn't even want to comment on how odd that sounded, but didn't mind when she placed one of those amazing-tasting muffins in front of him, crumbs splattering along the cover of his book. Sonic nearly drooled at the sight of them, and here he was, thinking that only chilidogs were capable of making him do that.

"Goodbye, Shadow." Amy smiled contently and smoothed the skirt of her dress before departing. "Ta-ta, my love."

Shadow nodded off in her direction as Sonic ran a hand over his face in embarrassment, while using the other to wave farewell to the rosy rascal.

She walked away, but both hedgehogs couldn't help but notice the sway of her hips beneath the sheath of the skirt that she wore, and the confident grace with which she carried herself.

"These really are good, though, Shads!" Sonic said with his mouth full.

Shadow turned to face his doppelganger with cold eyes. "Chew carefully, faker, or else when you choke, I won't bother performing the Heimlich maneuver on you." He smirked as he continued, "Looks like you'll have to really blame Rose's ugly cupcakes for that near-death ordeal."

_**Fin**_

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><p><strong>AN: I had originally planned on titling this fic as "Amy Rose Must Pie!" but then again, she's offering muffins.. not pie. Please review, I appreciate them greatly. **


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